... COMPUTER PAGE 1 ...

Hey, everyone is "dumb" to start with ... I have a hilarious time recalling my early days.
And then compared to some people I know, I'm just a little bit smarter than dumb.
Now computers are different. Computers are not smart; they only think they are.

... Recommend this page to a friend.

Internet People - look here and make sure this doesn't happen to you - dangerous.
Computer Proverbs - the email of the species is more deadly than the mail - & more of same.
Cursors ... tired of that plain-old arrow mouse pointer? And that hourglass from the 80's?
Defragmenting ... the story on drefragmanting (remember, first do a scandisk).
DLL's - they come with Windows, with programs, they get lost - before jumping, look here.
Download Managers - big file, you must temporarily stop the dowloading, what do you do?
E-mail - lots of selections other than the one that comes with your ISP ... plus more.
E-mail Subscriptions ... a few freebies you can have; there are many many more.
Free Downloads ... this is a smorgasbord of delights ... my port of call whenever in need.
Hackers ... yes, they are just waiting to enter your system ... here's how to keep them out.
Internet Matters ... just think of what life would be like without the Internet ... ???
Internet of the Future - what will the Internet of the future be like; here are some ideas.
Limiting Internet Access - programs to keep kids away from those naughty naughty places.
Internet Viruses ... if you think opening email can give you a virus ... this is the place to go.
Microsoft ... I think this company has something to do with computers ... tips and downloads.
Netiquette ... proper conduct in newsletters, newsgroups, chatrooms, email and all postings.
Passwords ... the 10 most common passwords; might as well give your wallet away.
Talk 'n Chat ... NOTE ... these are audio, or video, or chat programs ... for downloading.
Voice Messages ... these have an emphasis on actual voice telephony ... poor poor Bell Tel..
Windows 7 ... it's here, and some of us might need some help with upgrades, updates, etc.
Navigator ... here's where we say adieu, but there are more pages ... if you have the time.

COMPUTER PROVERBS

Home is where you hang your @.
The E-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.
A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click.
You can't teach a new mouse old clicks.
C:\ is the root of all directories.
Don't put all your hypes in one home page.
Pentium wise; pen and paper foolish.
The modem is the message.
Too many clicks spoil the browse.
The geek shall inherit the earth.
A chat has nine lives.
Don't byte off more than you can view.
Fax is stranger than fiction.
What boots up must come down.
Windows will never cease.
In Gates we trust.(?)
Virtual reality is its own reward.
Modulation in all things.
A user and his leisure time are soon parted.
Know what to expect before you connect.
Oh, what a tangled website we weave when first we practice.
Speed thrills.
Teach a man to use the internet and he won't bother you for weeks.

DEFINITIONS

COMPUTER: Instrument of torture ... The first computer was invented by Roger 'Duffy' Billingsly, a British scientist ... Then in a plot to overthrow Hitler, Duffy disguised himself as a German ally and offered him his invention as a gift to the dictator ... The plot worked ... On April 8, 1945, Hitler became so enraged at the 'Incompatible File Format' error message that he shot himself ... The war ended soon after Hitler's death, and Duffy began working for IBM ... the rest is history.

ERROR MESSAGE: Terse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for their program's shortcomings.

HARDWARE: Collective term for any computer-related object that can be kicked or battered when inclined to do so.

PRINTER: A joke in poor taste. A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray, and the blinking red light.