Before Tying the Knot... Recommend this page to a friend. Time magazine, February 23, 2000 ... (which I happily read in the dentist's office), tells of this girl who had walked down the aisle so many times that she refereed to her many ex-husbands not by name but by number ... It tells that when she talked about her various marriages it sounded as if she was ordering from a Chinese menu. Now happily married for the fourth (and final) time, she says she might have found herself a hobby other than marriage if only she and husbands One, Two and Three had settled some very basic issues before saying "I do."Engagements go on and on ... rings being hidden in boxes of chocolates, declarations of love written across the sky and hope will triumph over experience. But engaged couples can be obnoxiously demographic. So preparing for the wedding, they go on endlessly about place settings and where to seat Uncle Bud at the reception, while ignoring the most important aspects of their future: family, friends and finances. Unfortunately, the marriages that result from these happy engagements have only a 1 in 2 chance of lasting. Couples can possibly increase their odds for a successful marriage, however, by doing something fairly simple. Before they tie the knot, they can interview for the position. Todd Outcalt, author of "Before You Say I Do" ... believes that marrying couples need to sit down and more or less conduct serious job interviews. This idea, while unromantic, is a great way to answer every couple's most basic question: What do we want our future to be? Outcalt suggests that prospective wives and husbands separately write down questions ... listen carefully for the answers and prepare themselves for some surprises. The QuestionsContinue by asking your future spouse about finances. How much do you earn (and save) a year? How much do you owe? What are your financial goals and retirement plans? Who do you think should handle the money? How much money do you expect me to make? Will one of us be the breadwinner? ... Couples should ask each other about relationships, especially attitudes toward previous lovers or spouses. So for example, a future spouse who hates all the exes should raise red flags. Ask about attitudes toward friendship, love and fidelity ... (Note: "You complete me" isn't an answer.) Religion, sex and politics should be similarly explored in depth. Prospective spouses should also listen to their soul mate's friends and family. I remember a girl who was rushing into marriage, and she asked me ... "What would you do if all your friends said your marriage was a really bad idea?" I plainly said, "I would listen." She didn't, and now she has an ex-husband to show for it. Couples can wrap up their interviews by asking an open-ended question such as "Do you have any secrets you ought to share with me?" This same "much married girl," ended a very brief marriage when she sadly learned that husband Three was still married to his "previous" wife. Outraged, she asked, "Why didn't you tell me?" ... He replied, "Because you never asked." What is your opinion? ...  ... I'd sure like to know.And should you be thinking of answering personal adds,FIRST THE WORDS USED BY WOMEN |
| 40-ish Adventurer Athletic Average looking Beautiful Contagious smile Educated Emotionally secure Feminist Free spirit Friendship first Fun Gentle Good listener Old-fashioned Open-minded Outgoing Passionate Poet Professional Redhead Reubenesque Romantic Voluptuous Weight proportional to height Wants soulmate Widow Young at heart | 48 Has had more partners than you ever will Flat-chested Ugly Pathological liar Bring your penicillin College dropout Medicated Fat; ball buster Substance user Trying to live down reputation as slut Annoying Comatose Borderline autistic Lights out, missionary position only Desperate Loud Very loud Depressive schzophrenic Real bitch Shops the Clairol section Grossly fat Looks better by candle light Very fat Hugely fat One step away from stalking Nagged first husband to death Toothless crone |
AND LEST WE FORGET THE MEN
| 40-ish Athletic Average looking Educated Free spirit Friendship first Fun Good looking Honest Huggable Like to cuddle Mature Open-minded Physically fit Poet Spiritual Stable Thoughtful | 52 and looking for a 25 year old Sits on the couch and watches ESPN Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back Will always treat you like an idiot Sleeps with your sister As long as friendship involves nudity Good with a remote and a six pack Arrogant Pathological liar Overweight, more body hair than a bear Insecure, overly dependent Until you get to know him Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself Has written on a bathroom stall Once went to church with his grandma on Easter Sunday Occasional stalker, but never arrested Says "Please" when demanding a beer |
This page was a knot-tying suggestion, and a personal-column warning.