... Comebacks to Stupid Pick-up Lines ...

... Recommend this page to a friend.

1. First and foremost, you need a quick mind. If you do not already have a smart mind, this guide is potentially useless. A good way to get around this problem is to amass a collection of as many good comebacks as you can find; you can usually modify them for different circumstances.
   
   
2. If you are insulted, don't think about the insult... This will usually give you some comebacks to use. "He who hesitates is lost"...really. If you hesitate in replying, you're dead, and the insulter has won.
   
   
3. Don't hesitate to pick apart what someone says. If someone contradicts him- or herself, go to it like a swarm of piranha to a cow carcass. That usually devalues an insult in the eyes of the insulter; that sometimes makes them angry. Just don't pick something apart for longer than you need to...you could get interrupted, and that immediately makes what you were saying useless.
   
   
4. Be sarcastic, though don't use sarcasm too much. If you've just insulted someone, and they insult you back with something completely irrelevant, feel free to drawl sarcastically, "Well there's an intelligent answer."
   
   
5. Use swearing sparingly. Swearing twice every sentence isn't going to make you look mature - it's not going to make you look cool - it doesn't even hurt someone's feelings unless you use it as a hidden treasure. If you get the other guy to swear several times, feel free to make a biting comment or say loudly in a monotone, "oh, you're swearing now? I bet you're feeling important now".
   
   
6. Call names...when appropriate. Calling names can be good, or bad, depending on how you insult the person, what you insult them with, and the situation. Using names that devalue the insulter's intelligence (such as idiot) works fine, just don't call them things that label them "mean" (such as "jerk" or "you're mean"). It doesn't work. Calling them ignorant or arrogant is great, so long as you don't say it in a nerdy way. Then it sounds like you're a geek who swallowed a dictionary.
   
   
7. Be calm. Don't get angry. Don't even get a little annoyed. Keep in your mind that these people are not worth your time...they're of lower intelligence than you, and getting angry isn't going to help at all. Practice looking perfectly calm, even amused in front of a mirror. Even if you're extremely angry on the inside, on the outside, you are calm.
   
   
8. Retort. Keep in mind that you shouldn't say it in any kind of special tone, condescending, cool, or 'Oh God I'm so angry I'm going to completely devastate you with a verbal comeback'. Just say it calmly and quickly.
   
   
9. Walk away when you have the upper hand. There are all these guides that tell you to walk away if they insult you. The thing to remember is don't walk away until you have the upper hand in the conversation. Walking away when they are insulting you makes you look like a wimpy coward. Really.
   
   
10. If the person in class is really annoying, just look in their direction but past their eyes. This will make them want to say something like "what are you looking at?". When they do this, simply reply with an irrelevant answer like "Yeah sure...whatever" Don't say anything mean that can be used against you because sometimes these lowlifes can shout them out purposely so the teacher hears. Remember that quick-witted does not always mean being snobbish. It can also mean being quick at putting that annoying kid down before your reputation crashes.
    
    
11. Don't let it get to you. Also, if the person has insulted you before, with the same insult every time, yes, you can call them ignorant. But, since the person keeps calling you the same name over and over again, it sort of tells you that the person knows it bugs you . So, insult their intelligence, not to make them mad, but as to show them the right path. Say something like, 'Can you not think of anything else to call me, you ignorant idiot?' If the person may be stupid, they may not know what ignorant means, so, when they ask, say 'Thank you for proving my point.' You don't have to do exactly that, mix it up a bit, but something along the lines of that.
    
    
12. If you are not very quick-witted, you might want to try practicing raising one of your eyebrows (or just an expression that clearly conveys you are not impressed). When someone insults you, just look at them, and raise an eyebrow. You can add a sarcastic 'O.K' or a 'Riiight', or you can just smirk/laugh at them, shake your head, or roll your eyes at them and walk away. Most people HATE not being taken seriously, and dismissing them like this is often more powerful than using an unoriginal comeback.